Do gender assumptions in restaurants and cafes keep customers happy?
Restaurants and cafes use gender bases tricks to keep their customers happy according to hospitality workers.
The revelations came about after one man asked service staff whether the coffee he ordered was “gendered”.
“For the last 20 years... Every single time we order, the server goes to put the flat white in front of me, and when we say that the flat white is for my wife, we get strange looks. Literally, every damn time,” the man said in a Reddit thread.
“And this is from all walks of life, servers who are young, old, from different culture, from many different cities and towns in Australia. So riddle me this: Is a latte feminine and a flat white masculine?”
Redditers jumped at the chance to comment, including dozens of baristas, chefs, waiters and hospitality managers.
One barista said: “When I used to be a barista and manager of a cafe, I’d train all my staff to announce drinks and not assume — even if you think you know from who ordered what,” they said.
“But basically, the assumptions go like this: More milky — more feminine. Latte is most feminine, then cappuccino, then flat white, then long black.
Another poster wrote: “Long time barista, chef, waitress and hospo manager here. Worked in a heap of different places.
No — drinks are not masculine or feminine — but YES certain people in hospitality treat it as such — and also a lot of patrons do too.
“I have rarely followed the gendered drinks and food serving rules, but yes. The gist of the old hospitality ‘guide’ is this — you don’t ask who got what when it’s just a couple at the table.
“There’s a lot of dumb rules, and I’ve worked in places where we would get in a lot of trouble if we didn’t follow them.
I hate adhering and propagating this toxic masculinity and gender-based c*** but a lot of managers used to insist it.”
According to the hospitality there are several hidden rules.
Drinks with straws are placed in front of women.
Stronger coffee is placed in front of the man.
Salads are never put in front of men, but rare steaks are.
It is assumed that if a couple orders one dessert, it is to be shared. It is also assumed that cocktails go to the woman and the man ordered his drink neat or on the rocks.
Flavoured drinks are also gendered.
“Strawberry, vanilla and any wild or seasonal flavours — coconut, mint or pumpkin spice are more feminine. Chocolate or salted caramel more masculine. Hazelnut seemed to be gender neutral in my opinion,” said a former hospitality worker.
Cold drinks are “more feminine” than a hot drink.
Jonathan Jackson, 31st January 2024
